So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
