you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
