I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
