I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
