Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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