I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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