Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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