So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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