New invention idea: vibrating tampons
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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