why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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