My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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