hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
