You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
