forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
