Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
did i just pee glitter
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
