You're so nebulous sometimes
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
