He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You left your phone here
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