IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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