i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
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