So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
