i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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