when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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