you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
