I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
