So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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