Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
