youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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