My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
