Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
