I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
