You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
