Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
