hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
