I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
