im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
