so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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