sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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