I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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