Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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