im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
