so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
