she looked like the before picture.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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