So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I'm having to shit out rocks
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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