i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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