Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
