One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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