is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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