the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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