I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
