Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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